Life Is Not My Hair: Finding Freedom, Confidence & Balance in My Natural Hair Journey
By Lady Carolyn M. Summerset
Crowning Glory — Coils & Kinks
From the Crowning Glory Archives | Originally Published March 27, 2015 | Refreshed October 2026
Hello, My Beautiful Naturalistas!
Ladies, can we talk about something today?
Because sometimes, somewhere between wash day, detangling, conditioning, twisting, styling, and trying to achieve that perfect curl definition, we forget one very important thing.
Life is not our hair!
Now, don't misunderstand me. I love my natural hair!
I love the versatility, the beauty, and the freedom of discovering what my curls and coils can do.
But goodness gracious, ladies! Sometimes maintaining natural hair can begin to feel like another full-time job!
LOL!
When I originally wrote this article in March 2015, I had been natural for approximately five years.
I had started my journey in March 2010, and even then, I was still learning how to manage my beautiful 3C/4A curls.
And you know what?
I'm still learning!
That's the beauty of this journey.
When Your Hair Routine Takes Over Your Life
Have you ever purchased a product that worked beautifully when your hair was shorter, only to discover it didn't perform quite the same way as your hair grew?
Or perhaps you mastered the perfect wash-and-go during the summer, only to have the cooler months completely change your results!
Been there, ladies!
Our hair changes.
The weather changes.
Our schedules change.
And sometimes our favorite products simply stop giving us the results we expect.
I remember experimenting with different combinations of products, trying to discover what worked best for my fine natural strands.
Some days, my curls were beautifully defined.
Other days?
Well, let's just say my hair had its own plans! LOL!
But eventually, I realized something important.
I needed a hair care routine that worked with my life, not a life that revolved around my hair care routine.
A Busy Woman Has Other Things to Do!
When I first shared this article, life was busy!
I was working a full-time job, managing online stores, writing blogs, and caring for family.
And somewhere in the middle of all those responsibilities, I was supposed to find time for my natural hair.
Ladies, there are only so many hours in a day!
I loved discovering new hairstyles, accessories, and products, but I also had responsibilities and goals that required my attention.
And here's what I learned.
You can love your natural hair without allowing it to consume your entire day.
That realization gave me permission to simplify.
Sometimes Simple Is Better
Not every wash day needs to involve six different products.
Not every hairstyle needs to take several hours.
And not every curl has to be perfectly defined.
Sometimes, a gentle cleansing routine, a good conditioner, a little leave-in product, and a simple hairstyle are exactly what we need.
On other days, perhaps we're feeling creative and want to try something more elaborate.
Both choices are perfectly fine.
The important thing is understanding our hair's needs and making decisions that fit our everyday lives.
Hair Accessories Are Wonderful Little Helpers!
Ladies, you know I appreciate a beautiful accessory!
A decorative headband.
A gold hairpin.
An elegant scarf.
A simple, stylish clip.
Sometimes just one accessory can transform an ordinary hairstyle into something special.
And when you're pressed for time, those little finishing touches can make a tremendous difference.
Just remember to choose accessories that are gentle on your strands and don't pull tightly around your edges.
Beauty should never require unnecessary discomfort or damage.
A Look Back at My Natural Hair Journey
Insert the original photographs of you and your niece here.
Looking back at these photographs reminds me of how much my natural hair journey has meant to me.
Different hairstyles.
Different lengths.
Different stages of life.
And plenty of lessons learned along the way!
These pictures remind me that our hair journeys are personal.
We grow.
We experiment.
We change our routines.
And sometimes we discover that a hairstyle we once struggled to achieve has become one of our favorites.
But our photographs also preserve something greater than hair.
They preserve memories.
And those memories deserve to be treasured.
Your Hair Is Part of You, But It Doesn't Define You
Now, ladies, this is where I really want us to think.
Our natural hair is beautiful.
It may reflect our heritage, personal style, individuality, and creativity.
But our value as women is not determined by our curl pattern.
It's not determined by how long our hair grows.
And it certainly isn't determined by whether our twist-out comes out perfectly!
We are mothers, daughters, sisters, aunties, grandmothers, friends, entrepreneurs, professionals, and women with purpose.
We have dreams to pursue.
Families to love.
Communities to serve.
And lives to enjoy.
Our crowns are part of our beauty.
But they are not the sum total of who we are.
Give Yourself Grace as Your Hair Changes
As we move through different seasons of life, our natural hair may change.
Hair density, texture, and manageability can be influenced by age, health, hormonal changes, and styling practices.
Sometimes we may need to change our routines.
Sometimes we may want shorter hair.
Sometimes we may choose wigs, braids, twists, or other protective styles.
And sometimes we may simply decide that a beautiful puff is all we feel like doing that day!
LOL!
Ladies, that's perfectly fine.
The natural hair journey should be an experience of discovery, not a source of constant frustration.
My Final Thoughts: Life Is Not My Hair
Looking back at my original article reminds me that I was learning a valuable lesson.
My hair deserves care, but it doesn't deserve control over my peace of mind.
I can love my curls without comparing them with someone else's.
I can appreciate a beautiful hairstyle without feeling obligated to recreate it.
I can experiment with products without purchasing every new product on the market.
And I can have a bad hair day without having a bad day!
Ladies, sometimes the most beautiful thing we can do is simply enjoy who we are.
Wear your beautiful curls.
Put on that lovely headband.
Try a new style when you feel inspired.
And when life gets busy, give yourself permission to keep things simple.
Because the woman beneath the crown is far more important than the hairstyle she's wearing.
Life is not my hair. My hair is simply one beautiful part of my life!
Having one of those frustrating natural hair days? Read my Keep Calm and Love Your Natural Hair article for encouragement and a reminder that your crown doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful.
Let's Talk, Ladies!
Now, I would love to hear from you!
Have you ever felt overwhelmed trying to maintain your natural hair?
Has your hair care routine changed as you've gotten older?
And here's my favorite question:
What has your natural hair journey taught you about confidence and self-acceptance?
Share your thoughts in the comments. Your experiences may encourage another naturalista!
Until next time, love your curls, embrace your coils, and celebrate every beautiful kink!
Happy Curls to You!
Lady Carolyn M. Summerset
Crowning Glory — Coils & Kinks
© 2026 Crowning Glory — Coils & Kinks by Lady Carolyn M. Summerset. All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or republished without prior written permission of the author.
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